Know your Schitt

You'll be prepared the next time someone says to you "You don't know shit."


Hey Sam, check out this guy's stats.
Just when I think that video games can't get any more ridiculous, Acclaim comes out with this festering crapfest.

Oh, and after having a look at the game, this comic strip is pretty funny.

I wonder if Danica Mace thinks that a video game where a bunch of barely-clothed women ride BMX bikes and flash their tits is a good idea?
"Send lawyers, guns, and money, they'll get me out of this..."

I just saw a rather disappointing post on The D Train, a blog that I've taken to reading recently -- the author wrote that he had removed some posts because he was threatened with a lawsuit. After scanning the blog, I immediately identified the posts that were removed. They involved one Danica Mace and her rather heated exchange with the site's author.

Please note: the account of events that follows is based solely on the author's interpretation of the limited information that was gathered in the public domain, and is in no way intended to be an accurate statement of the events and/or assessment of character of the individuals mentioned. This speculative account is in no way representative of the Sammy & the Grrrls website as an entity; it is based solely on the author's experience and resulting theories, and purely editorial in nature.

From what I could discern, it seemed that Danica Mace was a bit peeved that the author had received some digital pictures, or a link to a site containing pictures, of Danica Mace, or someone pretending to be Danica Mace(the identity of the individual in the photographs could apparently not be determined with certainty), with some rather sensitive parts of her anatomy exposed. He had posted an entertaining IM conversation with Danica Mace, in which she claimed that the pictures had been photoshopped (more than likely) by someone whom she seemed to know. Danica Mace then threatened legal action if all references to the aforementioned pictures weren't removed from the site. The author complied, but posted the IM conversation, and this apparently infuriated Danica Mace and she contacted her lawyers.

So, as it now stands, the site is completely devoid of any references to Danica Mace, and I think that it should be the policy of Sammy & the Grrrls to avoid making any potentially slanderous references to Danica Mace in the future, lest we face our own legal tribulations and possible censorship.

So, to reiterate: we want to steer clear of Danica Mace and her team of lawyers -- that means we should make no reference to Danica Mace if it can at all be avoided. To strengthen my committment to this cause, I will be sure to prominently display on this page a notice that we are in no way affiliated with Danica Mace and any references to Danica Mace are strictly editorial in nature, and therefore not subject to any legal action on the grounds of slander or defamation of character.

Oh, and one more thing: Danica Mace.

Oh, and another thing: if anyone can remember where that quote that I used as a headline comes from, I'd love to know.

Oh, and one last thing: Danica Mace.
Okay, two more things:

First, someone has made a startling connection between the purchase of celery & complete failure of elastic in women's panties (it'll make sense, really).

Second, here's a fun little Flash game in which you drive what appears to be a Toyota Forerunner powered by gasoline cans and Triscuits.
Breasts, breasts, breasts...sexy syrian breasts! Bring on the Google hits!

Oh, by the way, this is a blast: Simon Swears

My good friend Susan Sarandon just sent me an email asking for my help and yours in the fight agaisnt breast cancer.

I’m writing to ask for your help in the fight against breast cancer. Nearly 40,000 women will die from breast cancer this year. While there is no simple way to prevent breast cancer, helping low-income women access early detection through low-cost screening is essential to surviving the disease.

Right now, Congress is making a decision about a program called the National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (NBCCEDP) that could help low-income women access potentially life-saving mammography screening. Early detection of breast cancer saves lives, and you can help in the fight against breast cancer by helping to ensure low-income women have access to early detection.

Take Action NOW! Send your FREE letter. Click here: www.policy.komen.org


And leading the most powerful nation in the world, we have...

"There's an old saying in Tennessee--I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee--that says, fool me once, shame on--shame on you. Fool me--you can't get fooled again."

--President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

"I'm thrilled to be here in the bread basket of America because it gives me a chance to remind our fellow citizens that we have an advantage here in America--we can feed ourselves."
--President George W. Bush, Stockton, Calif., Aug. 23, 2002

"I'm a patient man. And when I say I'm a patient man, I mean I'm a patient man."
--Do I even have to tell you who?
What a...well...what a dick!

"If you're going to go in and try to topple Saddam Hussein, you have to go to Baghdad. Once you've got Baghdad, it's not clear what you do with it. It's not clear what kind of government you would put in place of the one that's currently there now. Is it going to be a Shia regime, a Sunni regime or a Kurdish regime? Or one that tilts toward the Baathists, or one that tilts toward the Islamic fundamentalists? How much credibility is that government going to have if it's set up by the United States military when it's there? How long does the United States military have to stay to protect the people that sign on for that government, and what happens to it once we leave?"

-- Former Defense Secretary Dick Cheney, New York Times, April 1991
Fresh on the heels of this impromptu celebration of all things poetic, I am happy to bring you Modern Humorist's "Holy Tango of Poetry":

What if famous poets wrote poems whose titles were anagrams of their own names?
Volume I: Eliot, Dickinson, Williams
Volume II: Blake, Nash, cummings
Volume III: Shakespeare, Thomas, H.D.
Volume IV: Basho, Angelou
Volume V: The Holy Tango of Drama: Mamet
Melissa rocks so very hard

He started as a poem,
(and we all had thought Him flat)
But I just got this FedEx box
And He's nowhere close to that.

He's tall and very fuzzy;
His presence feels auspicious.
What can I say, my RVJ?
You're simply sacrilicious.


This poem brought to you thanks to this wonderful rhyming dictionary.

Oh, and the site just got a hit from this search string on Google UK.
I had a red velvet Jesus once
Held him between my thighs at a supermarket checkout counter
I meant him no harm
A sandwich?
A statue?
A painting?
It matters not
Cause my red velvet Jesus is gone
moved on
And in times of crisis and peril,
I often wonder


My red velvet Jesus
hangs on the wall across from my bed
and at night his eyes follow me around the room
and I can feel the recrimination,
the indignation
because I didn't give him the place of honor
above my bed.
but then, where would elvis go?

heehee. sorry. I wanted to make one that was deep and meaningful, but this is what came out.
Better than a fortune cookie

The Surrealist Compliment Generator

"How can I help but use your eyes as a means for self-asphyxiation?"
I have an idea. Let's write a poem.
Title: My Red Velvet Jesus

Sam, email me your address asap.


Think you waste too much time on trivial things?

Think again. This man built a working harpsichord with Lego blocks.

I was impressed until I heard the sample clip. Hellish, that's what it is. Sounds like somebody is beating a sitar to death with a banjo.
Here's um...well, here's...here's this.
"There is a hell of a good reason why generals are cautious. Politicians make mistakes. Soldiers pay for those mistakes with their blood."
--Gen. Anthony Zinni
It was bound to happen...

You have to be careful about everything you say nowadays, lest you offend a subset of the population:

Snipers Cringe at Washington Killer's Spree


See how you take care of me?
I'm sure that you have been, Mel. I, however, am currently managing the beta release of some new software, and can't possibly work up the gumption to post a full update at this time, so here's a picture of a baby dressed up as a vulture instead:

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Well, Sam, I've been waiting on pins and needles all morning to be regaled with tales of drunken mayhem and deep philisophical discussion (which I assume ocurred at your house warming party). Hopefully you were able to continue with the festivities in(to) spite of the awful situation there.
So what if you're the web's premier site for syrian sexy girl fun. I got this. And as usual, mine is way better than yours. So there.


She's so strange, but that's why I love her -- here's a clip from Tori Amos' forthcoming video:

A Sorta Fairytale